Being a mother and struggling with substance use disorder (SUD) can greatly impact your relationship with your children and their lives. It can cause distance, negative feelings, long-term mental health conditions, and so much more. You may not even understand what your substance use is doing to them until you get sober. Once you have gotten treatment, it is time to learn how to be a good mom after addiction. We at Spero Recovery want to help you achieve this goal and rebuild your relationship with your children.
Addiction Hinders Your Ability to Be a Good Mom
There are a multitude of ways that your addiction can hurt your kids and the relationship you have with them. These are some of those effects.
Role Reversal
When your child starts having to take on the responsibility of being the parent, this is role reversal. They may have to be the parent to their siblings or you, or just take on the duties of being a parent, which can blur boundaries. It is also them being stripped of their childhood.
Long Term Effects
Some effects can be seen into adulthood. These can include:
- Higher risk of participating in risky behaviors or struggling with SUD themself.
- Mental health conditions (depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and low self-esteem).
- Difficulty communicating and maintaining long-term relationships.
How to Be a Good Mom After Treatment
Just because your relationship has been strained or affected by your SUD, doesn’t mean you can’t rebuild it to be better. It will take a lot of time and effort to fix your bond with your child. Admitting you have a problem and getting treatment can open the door to the rebuilding process.
This also allows you to get help in this process from professionals that want to see you and your children thrive in a sober environment. Getting to have a healthy relationship with your children after addiction should be one of your long-term goals in treatment. Some ways to reach this goal are:
Understand That They Were Affected by Your Substance Use
Admitting your wrongdoings towards them and apologizing is a big step. It doesn’t mean that they have to or are going to forgive you right away. Your substance use had a big impact on their life too. They witnessed everything you went through and at times may have had to clean up after it. Your children were in front-row seats to see the effect of your SUD and that changed who they had to be then, and who they grew up to be.
You need to understand that this effect isn’t going to change instantly and what they experienced isn’t ever going to be forgotten. Their feelings towards you and what they went through are valid, and you need to accept that they may not have many positive emotions when it comes to you. It is your job now to listen, respect, and empathize with how they are feeling. You have to know where you are starting so that you can work through them to build trust and your relationship.
Build Trust
Ways to start building trust with your children can begin by working through any negative emotions and experiences. Doing this with a trained professional can greatly increase the benefits. They can act as a mediator and ensure that the process is productive, rather than spent throwing accusations or blame at one another.
Empathizing with your children and validating how they are feeling can help build trust. You are letting them see that they can share something with you, and you will take it seriously.
Show them that you are trying to make amends and live a healthy sober life and follow through with it. This can help them see you are serious, responsible, and holding yourself accountable. It can also make them feel like it is ok to let you into their life because your substance use isn’t going to negatively affect it.
Communication
Take the time to learn the best ways to communicate in different situations. This can help you express yourself and hear what your children are telling you better. It can also equip you with the ability to de-escalate a situation should you need to. Overall knowing how to effectively communicate can improve your sober life.
Set and Maintain Boundaries
It is important for you and your children to set and maintain boundaries that you are both comfortable with. This can include not talking about certain subjects, especially at the beginning of the rebuilding process. You may also want to set boundaries about how and when you communicate with each other.
Your children may not want to have you calling or texting them at any time of day, or they may feel more comfortable only communicating when a third-party mediator is present at first. Having and upholding these boundaries helps build trust because every party knows their feelings and comfort level are being respected.
Spero Recovery Can Help You Be a Good Mom During Recovery
We are a residential recovery treatment facility. Our programs are gender specific, affordable, and effective. The programs are separated by gender because we understand each gender has its own needs to be met.
Our women’s program emphasizes community and skill building. This helps build your confidence in your abilities and gives you a support system of encouragement to keep going. We can help you in the rebuilding process because our case managers work with you to create a plan that will make it so you can reach your goals.
If your goal is to be a good mom to your children, then we will help you get there. We offer classes on communication, activities to promote building trust, and encourage you to have family involvement in your treatment. Our understanding of the value of family runs deep and we want you to have that support system when you finish treatment.
Substance use takes over your entire life. It becomes your main focus and can change who you used to be for the worse. Your children are on the front line of seeing what the substance does to you and experiencing the negative effects of your substance use. They see the damage it does to you, your relationships, and your life as a whole. This means there can be a lot to overcome to rebuild your relationship with them. If you feel like you are struggling to reconnect with your children in a healthy way, reach out to Spero Recovery at (303) 351-7888 for more information today. We understand your unique challenges and are here to help.
